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So, You Put on Your Favorite Song and Now Everybody Is Looking at Their Phones

So, you’re driving your crew to the movies and you put on that new song. The one you’ve been listening to all week. The one you couldn’t wait to show your friends. You played a few hits to warm them up, waited for a lull in conversation, then BOOM. You hit them with the fire.

But, oh no! Everybody’s reaching for their phones!

You’re having a lot of emotions right now. That’s perfectly normal. These feelings are called the five stages of grief. We’re here to guide you through each stage, and to help you accept that everybody hates this song and your music taste is trash.

Denial: “Maybe they just can’t hear the song,” you think, and reach for the volume. Don’t let yourself fall into this trap. Remember a few minutes ago, when Jenny was humming to that Justin Timberlake song? Remember when “Nice for What” came on, and Joel cracked a joke about Drake’s son? Your friends can hear the song. They just don’t like it.

Anger: But what the fuck is wrong with them? Why can’t these assholes give your favorite song a chance? You pay attention to the songs they like! Shit, you even check out the albums! Okay, deep breaths. It’s totally understandable that you’re mad. But remember: it’s not their fault that they play you such good music and you play them this heap of garbage.

Bargaining: But you read the Wikipedia page for this band, and it had a story about how this band grew up next to a stuffed animal factory, and that’s why they wrote this song about stuffed animals. It made you like this song more. So, if you just take a moment to tell that story to your friends, they’ll like the song, right? Wrong. No amount of explanation is going to make this song less whack. All it’s going to do is make you look more pathetic.

Depression: Here it is. Rock bottom. You’re feeling like you can’t go on living like this anymore. But keep your chin up, kid! All kinds of people have shitty taste in music. Some of them are good at other things! Enjoying bad songs might make you a bad friend, but it doesn’t make you a bad person deep down. And that’s what matters, right?

Acceptance: Just skip the rest of the song. Pretend your phone was on shuffle. Go back to the Top 40 playlist, or better yet, pass the aux cord to somebody better equipped to handle the situation. There is no need to make life harder for yourself and those around you.

Be at peace.