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Real Life Monster Mash: Here’s a List of Everyone Who Flew on Jeffrey Epstein’s Plane

Unless you’ve been sequestered in a spooky old castle this October, chances are you’ve already heard the novelty hit “The Monster Mash” at least once. How fun would it be if monsters actually got together and partied like that?! Turns out, not much fun at all.

The flight manifest logs for Jeffrey Epstein’s infamous “Lolita Express” has been released, and it’s got characters that make Dracula and The Wolf-man look like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross.

Curiously, the flight manifest was written in song form.

I was refueling the jet – Jeffrey’s flight
When my eyes beheld a creepy sight,
For his passengers began to board
And suddenly there was a hoard

It was a mash, a monster mash
The monster mash, a white collar dash
A monster mash, horrid-crimes-for-cash
It was a mash….just a monster mash

Chris Tucker was there, for a rush hour flight
Bill Clinton and Trump, to spend the night
Moguls and titans from every city
Bipartisan banshees from the monster committee

Prince Andrew, of course, was in first class
Frequent flier miles served as his boarding pass,
Sinful second son with no coronation,
Now an expert on statutes of limitation

Ghislaine, Spacey, M. Gladwell and Gates
A cabal of self-dealers and sealers of fates
Authors and scholars from ivory castles,
A private jet full of private assholes

Dubin and Dershowitz,
Senators Mitchell and Glenn
A Who’s-Who of
“What, now?”
“How could they?”

It was a mash, a monster mash
The monster mash, a white collar dash
A monster mash, evil-crimes-for-cash
It was a mash….just a monster mash

All manner of rich –
Nouveau to old wealth –
Toasted their host,
And wished him good health

Decades of decadence,
Violence and vice,
The monsters mashed on,
Rolling the dice,

And then it was over,
All tied up one day,
One monster left hanging,
The rest let away