Hat’s off to Mark Zuckerburg, that man has done it again! Programmers and developers at Facebook Inc. are in the process of developing a Facebook “like” button that, when pressed, will dispense a single food pellet to its users.
This is going to completely revolutionize the way users depend on social media. I used to say I would die without Facebook, and now I might!
Some might say Facebook has become a propaganda website that has coyly duped millennials into seeming like a new frontier for socialization, rather than a large corporate pay-to-play disinformation conglomerate. Which may have some merit when you think about it, but oh hey look at all those Star Wars memes!
What were we talking about?
Oh right, the food pellets. You know, I thought it was awesome when I found out you could order Domino’s right off of Facebook, but the thought of liking a photo of a starving child while simultaneously receiving my dinner just makes me feel so… fulfilled. It’s like I’m getting something good for doing something good!
But wait fellow book-heads, we don’t have this feature just yet! However, the results of numerous tests seem promising. Within a short period of time, users not only learned to depend on Facebook likes to sustain them, but seemed to forget other ways of acquiring food. Talk about efficiency!
And this is just the beginning! The social media giant plans to have all crucial needs met by various Facebook reactions. According to reports from Facebook’s annual shareholder meeting, in the near future Facebook likes will provide food, sad reacts provide water, Hahas for shelter, and a heart react will cause a wireframe human replica in a wig to emerge from your wall and provide the only form of nurturing deemed necessary since Supreme Leader Zuckerburg disbanded the world’s governments.
Now if he’ll just give us that dislike button we’ve wanted for years, we’ll REALLY be set!
Don’t be a mindless drone! BUYHARDTIMESSHIRTSBUYHARDTIMESSHIRTSBUYHARDTIMESSHIRTS:
Article by Nick Ortolani @nickortolani
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