Just about everyone is getting sober these days. Self-destructive musicians, degenerate friends, and even Aunt Linda are laying off the booze as of late. These teetotalers will tout amazing life upgrades like health benefits, money savings, and uneventful parole meetings.
But just because everyone around you is doing something, does that mean you should do it too? Absolutely not. Be an individual; don’t succumb to peer pressure like a spineless tween. If you’re feeling weird and squirmy about getting shitfaced at social gatherings, follow these tips to overcome the shame and stay true to yourself.
DO continue to order bottomless mimosas at brunch even if you’re the only one doing so. While your friends are ordering niçoise salads and bragging about their AA chips, bravely motion for the server to bring back the bottle of Prosecco while you wolf down a meat lovers’ omelet.
DON’T follow recently sober people online. You will start to see them get healthier and regain a glint of hope in their eyes. This will heighten the temptation to stop drinking. Just block and pour another beer.
DO rebrand your drinking pattern into a hobby or academic pursuit. Thoughtfully review fruited sours into Untappd, or plot your Mexico trip around mezcal distilleries. And hide the fact that you vomited in the bathroom after your fourth tasting on the Bourbon Trail.
DON’T believe your family’s crocodile tears at your intervention. These bullies will stop at nothing until you behave exactly like them. Stay strong; you got this.
DO continue to enhance fun activities by drinking during them. Anything worth doing sober is worth doing a little buzzed. Concert? Midnight movie? Optometrist appointment? These are all reasons why flasks were invented.
DON’T attempt Sober October or Dry January. Never tempt yourself with the smallest taste of alcohol abstinence. You could grow powerfully dependent on sobriety. The easiest way to stop an addiction is to never start.