Everyone at my middle school knows the story of “Gus the Gouger,” the creepy old janitor that lures children into the boiler room and gouges…
Fellas. Have you ever been in a situation where she just wasn’t feeling your flirtatious advances? Me neither. Evidently, it’s because I completely misinterpret every…
A recent study conducted by the Institute for the Advanced Study of Sociology revealed that men are upwards of 90% more likely to believe in…
Every environmentally-minded millennial knows the pain of forgetting their reusable grocery bag. Unfortunately, it’s just too easy to buy a new one once you’re at…
I have always been sensitive to the emotions of people around me. When a baby cries, I cry. When someone is hurt, I hurt. When…
For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and…
It’s 2020. The country is divided, the world is on fire, and a pop-punk album is topping the charts. At least one of these things…
We all know that choosing who to vote for is an unsatisfying, existentially-bleak, and pleasure-devoid bummer. It’s impossible to find any political candidate that caters…
Hey there, little guy. I’m your uncle, John, but everyone calls me Bonez. So… what colors you like? Nothing? Okay then, what’s your favorite Disney…
Oh boy. I just shit my pants. Yup. On an evening walk across the Del Taco parking lot, I shit my pants. As I type…
We took a trip out to one of the most active cities in America right now, Portland. It became too much to sit by and…
Women have made great strides in earning leadership positions throughout American culture, having overcome decades of gender inequality and a glass ceiling. But there’s one…
A few months back we brought you the story of Herman the turtle and Chase the beagle, two animals that became unlikely BFFs. Unfortunately, like…
As we’ve all learned first hand from our uncles at any family function, alcohol can have a devastating effect on the human mind and body.…
Listen up, buttercup. I am a firm believer in the principles of God, country, and family. In that order. So if you’re going to ask…