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Opinion: Not All Slendermen

In recent years, our cultural landscape has gained a newfound focus on accountability, and I fully support that shift. Seeing people in power held responsible for abusing their authority fills me with as much justice and hope as the next corporeal being. And I will concede that far too often these offenders are men, and sure, a percentage of these toxic males are Slendermen. But it’s important that we keep our fever in check, lest we find ourselves shifting into a new type of bigotry. I am here to say #NotAllSlendermen,

Yes, it is true that some Slendermen have engaged in deplorable activities, and those Slendermen should be removed from any position of authority and punished to the full extent of the law. But if you go by the media’s current portrayal of us, we’re all like that! It’s just getting out of hand.

Just look at the Slender representation in any movie, television show or creepy-pasta in the last decade. The Slendermale is always the antagonist. He never has a job or a family that he supports. He is always killing, convincing others to kill as proxies in his name, or using his bizarre tentacles to commit, at best, semi-consensual erotic acts.

You will never flip on the tube and see a Slenderman using those things to play upsies with his two beautiful children, which I am currently doing.

Yes, I am a Slenderman. I am also an ally, a family man, and an active member of my community. I would never raise a hand or weird back tentacle thingy to my wife or any of my children. I am a responsible dog owner. My annual block party is legendary, and the tentacles really come in handy on the grill. Where is my representation? Why am I always made to feel like the villain when all I want to do is help make a better world for my daughters?

Now, if you do not copy and paste this article to 20 friends, I will come for you. You will begin to see me everywhere, I will invade your dreams, I will gaslight you until everyone who loves you thinks that you are insane and then I will move in for the kill. I will shove my hideous ink-blood covered tentacles into every orifice on your body and I will strangle every one of your internal organs at the same time.

Not literally! That’s just how we talk! You would know that if there were more grounded portrayals on Slendermen in the media.

You have seven days.