Look, everyone keeps talking about what a stupid idea it would be if the United States were to annex Canada and make it the 51st state. Something something this would cause a massive war and many deaths, something something fascist regime blah blah blah. And look I get that this whole thing sounds scary, but no one talks about the potential positives. Namely that when Canadian and American NHL teams play each other we would no longer have to listen to both national anthems before the game.
I think we’ve all been in that situation in which you come to watch your favorite hockey team filled with Russian and Czech players who are playing for the glory of Columbus, Ohio and you sit down ready to start the game but then you remember that you have to hear a song glorifying America’s loss in the War of 1812. It’s boring and it’s just a cynical ploy to recruit more soldiers into the military. But then that dreadful moment hits you and you realize you’re playing against Winnipeg and bam! Suddenly a rendition of O Canada comes out over the speakers and you’re just so bored that you wish you hadn’t come at all.
If we annex Canada then this situation would never have to happen again. Instead of having to listen to some song about how cool beavers and maple syrup are, you still only have to listen to that one shitty song. Except now it would be a reminder about revenge against Canada for that time they burned the White House. Really rub it in the faces of those people whom we just liberated by annexing their entire nation.
Finally, I should point out that a Canadian team hasn’t won the Stanley Cup since 1993. If the ghost of Lord Frederick Stanley who resides in his cup didn’t want Canada to be part of the United States, then he would’ve used his supernatural powers to make a Canadian team win. No, I think this Canada annexation plan is exactly what he would have wanted.