Corporate credit rewards policy in this country has gone straight to hell. And HomeGoods is the most corporate credit hell of them all. Frankly I don’t even know why I got this rewards card in the first place if those greedy capitalists won’t honor all the points I earned on stuff I managed to sneak past the security sensors.
I’m not gonna lie. A not insignificant amount of my income is dependent on the rewards points I get from various, chain, economy bullshit stores, like the Gap or Fuddruckers. But HomeGoods, man, those guys will just not give me my due no matter how much shit I steal from them.
It’s not even like it’s a matter of if I’m self-reporting my thieving accurately. All those cashiers see this very big coat I’m wearing and know exactly how many Belgian waffle makers are missing from the inventory. Give me my points you cheap bastards!
I even had a system all worked out. For every dollar worth of stuff that I steal that means one trillionth of a dollar I get back in store credit for food processors that break easily. Then I trade those trillionths back to the store in a loophole that I haven’t found yet in the store’s rewards policy — that’s the part I’m still working on.
Though I admit it hasn’t quite worked out the way I planned so far, once it finally does I’ll actually be able to pay back my bookie enough to keep what’s left of one of my knees.
Honestly, I stole from HomeGoods every single day last year and still somehow ended up eighty grand in the hole. But that’s just an example of why this store’s extremely corporate-sided policy needs to change.
So for now, I guess I’ll just keep making free with bargain-priced condiments and discontinued, carcinogenic Bluetooth speakers the old-fashioned way until those capitalist jerks acknowledge my right to free stuff earned with rewards points instead.