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Oh, You’re a Libertarian? Name 3 Places You Like To Hang Out So I Can Avoid Them

Oh, you’re a libertarian? Yeah bro, I guess that copy of “The Fountainhead” with the pages stuck together you’ve got there should’ve been a clue. But if you’re an actual rugged individualist, could you do me a solid and tell me 3 places you like to chill so I can steer clear of them?

If you could share where you and the other sworn enemies of food safety regulations meet up to exchange unpleasantries, I’d be much obliged. I’m sorry if this seems a little forward, but my friends and I just want to know where we can go with a reasonable chance of not wanting to leave as soon as we arrive.

Hey, let’s try this. I’ll name 3 places and you tell me if you’ve ever been. Cool? When’s the last time you saw a band with any female members? Okay, that doesn’t surprise me. What about therapy? Yeah, that tracks. Now tell me about your most recent second date. No bro, I haven’t been following you around and spying on you. Well, I did talk to a barista who told me how you always go out of your way to explain to her why you don’t tip. What’s that? You’re never getting coffee at that place again? Oh, sweet, I can start reading my new book there.

Oh, you’re into books, too? Well, I probably don’t have to worry about bumping into you at the library, but can you tell me about your favorite sections at the bookstore? Ah, Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson? Yeah, I like fiction, too. But I generally prefer some element of realism in what I read. And I bet you like a very limited part of the history section, too, huh?

Now, where’s your favorite place to go shopping? Wait, can I guess? Is it the duty-free, where the soul-sucking government can’t take the joy out of buying bulk booze and boxed chocolates with taxes that get wasted on hot lunch programs for freeloading public school children? Wow, I should buy a lottery ticket!

So basically just don’t go to your bedroom or the internet and I’m good? Cool.