Hey, you with the white-kid dreads and those baggy JNCOs with a portable CD player in the giant back pocket. Is that a KoЯn t-shirt? You must really be a fan if you’re repping that band in 2026. Then again, the ’90s are back in style because what’s old is new again. Yay for cyclical fashion trends.
Speaking of the ’90s, you do know that nu metal is poser shit, right? I’m probably showing my age here, but think of it like an S.A.T. analogy: nu metal is to metal as Taco Bell is to food. To be clear: I do appreciate KoЯn’s music, but they aren’t metal. They’re catchy, they use bagpipes, they made songs with Ice Cube and Skrillex, and Jonathan Davis scats like a jazz singer.
Since we’re on the topic, if you’re a fan of KoЯn, then name three of those dah-boom-dah-dah-mmm-dum-nah-ee-mah scats for me.
Ya-not-raht-daht-e-daht? You went for the obvious pick. The opening few seconds of their album “Life Is Peachy” is the most well-known scat after the one from “Freak On A Leash,” which we’ve already covered. It’s a valid choice, to be sure, but an easy one. That said, this one’s the best evidence in KoЯn’s catalog that Davis spits out more nonsense per syllable than a QAnon believer.
Sum-digga-digga-digum-duh-digum? Hmmm. Bold choice, given it’s from their most recent album, “Requiem.” Did you start with their newer stuff and work backwards? Most fans gave up on them years ago and probably didn’t make it past “The Serenity of Suffering.” Since you truly enjoy watching a dude dressed like a cartoon character sputter out nonsense, I gotta assume you spend a lotta time in Times Square.
Inguh-ema-hey-ah-ha-remadahboh-em-doh-rae-doh? Ah, pulling from a deep cut called “Tension” from the special edition of their dubstep record, “The Path of Totality.” Well played. It’s easily the most hyperactive scatting in the band’s whole discography because Davis is trying to out-obnoxious the wub-wubs and the sqwonks and the sqwelches. Those onomatopoeias sound like Dr. Seuss characters.
All this talk kinda makes me wanna play some KoЯn. Say, is that seven-string guitar in the corner tuned down to A, by chance?
