Alcohol and antidepressants—is there a better combo in the world? According to our doctor, “Yes, almost anything, for the love of God stop drinking on your medication it is dangerous.” But what do doctors know anyway? Think about it, if they were really so smart, would they rely on employment from patients like you? Don’t think about it too hard.
Well, like the broken clock, even a doctor is right twice a day. They’re desperate plea of “At the very least don’t drive your car like that!” may hold some validity. Either that or the four Honda Civics I’ve burned through in the last three months were all defective, whose to say? Anyway, here are the nine best antidepressant and wine pairings I’ll be grooving on this summer, and will try really hard not to drive on so much anymore, I promise.
Wellbutrin and Barefoot Sauvignon Blanc:
This fruit-forward pairing is the only way to wash down your mom’s medication. You shouldn’t drive on this one because you don’t have your license yet.
Lexapro and White Zinfandel:
If you love being horny but hate finishing, this bold taste is the pairing for you. You should cut the breaks before you get to their house and give the “I swear this never happens” speech again.
Celexa and Lambrusco:
These truly complement each other because they both have light effervescence and cool names that make you confidently say “I’ll take it” to your doctor and bartender without any research. You shouldn’t drive on this one because you can’t close the bottle’s champagne-style cork situation, and if you hit a bump, red wine will spill everywhere.
Paxil and Josh Cellars Merlot:
This medium-bodied wine makes the perfect pairing for your meds because you can get both at Target. You shouldn’t drive on this one because your kids are already mad at you for leaving them in the parking lot with the windows shut.
Zoloft and 90+ Pinot Grigio:
I know that you’re having a great time in the hot tub right now and you want to level up the night by getting the keys and buying more booze, but just stay home and clean up your vomit before anyone sees it.
Marplan and Port:
This full-bodied wine with medium tannins pairs well with drinking alone. You shouldn’t drive on this one because your taste is weird and you probably drive an embarrassing car. Also, you should switch the meds because you’re clearly still very depressed.
Effexor and orange wine:
The funky layered taste pairs well with the nausea you’ll have from the pill, as well as all of the first-world problems you have. You shouldn’t be driving because you can afford an Uber.
Desyrel and Chardonnay:
The spicy notes and diahhrea pair very well with hearing your grandchildren struggle to connect with you. You shouldn’t drive because the nursing home employees will freak out if you’re not playing Scrabble at 11.
Prozac and Chianti:
This savory pairing will have you asleep before you can say “goomar.” You shouldn’t drive on this combo because others on the road might hear banging from that guy in your trunk.