The votes are in, and the verdict confirms what we already knew: the best time to switch positions is when your partner is on the brink of an orgasm.
In a unanimous survey, 457 men agreed that when a woman says she’s close, it’s time to switch things up and try out some new moves. None of that “consistency is key” stuff. Flip her over like a pancake and fuck her with the syncopation of an experimental jazz album.
Any idiot worth fucking knows intercourse is a marathon, not a sprint. The intensity of the female orgasm is only as strong as the build-up, so take your time getting there. The longer you prolong her climax, the better it will be. Sex experts suggest about 40 minutes, but I like to drag it out it for days, or even months.
Women are timid ethereal creatures by nature, which leaves you responsible for decoding cryptic phrases like, “yes, right there” and “just like that, don’t stop.” Despite her best efforts to elude you with her secret love language, this is your cue to pull out and ask if she wants to 69 or try the inverted pincer. If I learned anything from my last few marriages, it’s never to take anything a woman says at face value.
Check in with her now and then by asking if she’s close, and follow up with, “how about now?” every 30 seconds or until she abruptly remembers a “birthday dinner” she’s supposed to attend. Don’t get discouraged. The body has a threshold for the amount of pleasure it can tolerate before maxing out. I once made a woman feel so good she left my apartment mid-coitus and never talked to me again.
The most important part of helping your partner reach orgasm is being receptive to her needs, unless her needs include bringing a sex toy into the bedroom. Sex toys are training wheels for men who don’t know how to pleasure a woman with the God-given sex toy dangling between their own two legs. A vibrator is just an eight-letter word for virgin, and I haven’t been a virgin since my high school reunion.