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McDonald’s Has a Menu So Secret You Need to Go to a Whole Other Place Called Outback Steakhouse Just to Order from It!

Thanks to the internet, consumers around the country are discovering the joy of ordering secret menu items: delicious fast food offerings not officially on the printed menu that you can totally score if you know what to say.

But it turns out some menus are more secret than others. McDonald’s has upped the secret menu game big time with it’s latest buzz marketing stunt — a menu so secret that you need to get in your car and drive to another restaurant called The Outback Steakhouse just to order from it!

Wanna know how you can get your hands on these super secret treats? Hard Style has you covered! Here’s our guide to scoring those coveted McDonald’s items so good they make the Big Mac look like a literal pile of festering garbage!

The Bloomin’ Onion

Think you need to go all the way to Burger King for some onion rings? Think again! McDonald’s has their own take on this classic snack. Here’s how you can get it!

1. Drive to your nearest McDonald’s restaurant. Park your car and walk inside like normal.
When the person behind the counter asks for your order, tell them you would like a “pipin hot Bloomin’ Onion mate!”
2. They will pretend not to know what you are talking about, which they are coached to do. Tell them, “Oh my mistake, I must be a little confused today!” And then wink at them using your RIGHT eye (very important!)
3. Get back into your car. Plug “Outback Steakhouse” into your GPS and drive to the closest one. Park and enter.
4. A McDonald’s host or hostess in an Outback Steakhouse uniform will seat you and if you’re lucky, it will be Gretchen (She’s so nice!).
5. A server will soon approach your table. Tell them you would like a Bloomin’ Onion. Boom. Welcome to flavortown, population you.

Melbourne Porterhouse

Think of it has a hamburger deconstructed. WAY deconstructed! Just follow these steps and bring your appetite!

1. Again, drive to McDonalds, but this time go through the drive thru.
2. When asked for your order put on your best Australian accent and say, “Oi! I’ve just got to have a bloody rare Melbourne Porterhouse steak! I Like that hat mate!” Again they will have “no idea” what you are talking about and may even start hurling insults at you. Whatever they say, reply with, “You’ve been a very sweet boy,” and drive off full speed blaring your horn.
3. Drive to Outback Steakhouse and allow the host or hostess to seat you.
4. Smoke a cigarette until they tell you not to do that.
5. When your server arrives order the Melbourne Porterhouse. The server may ask you a series of questions about sides and salad dressings. This is just a test, do not respond to a single one.
6. Eat a whole goddamn porterhouse.

Related: How to Use the Secret Menu at Chipotle to Order a Gun


Bacon Bourbon Salmon

Forget the Lobster Roll, REAL McDonalds seafood lovers know that this is the real deal!

1. Once again drive to McDonalds, but this time go inside wearing only a Doctor Who bathrobe.
2. Approach the counter and demand “Trial by combat!”
3. Wait until the staff begins “calling the police.” Don’t worry, they’re just calling Outback to tell them to get your fish started. Better hurry!
4. Burst into Outback demanding to be seated. If they try to tell you that you aren’t dressed appropriately reply with, “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I’m Dick Wolf!”
5. Enjoy the tantalizing marriage of salmon and bacon, Aussie style.

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Article by Dan Rice @DanRiceComedy

Hard Style is a lifestyle blog by the people who brought you The Hard Times. Like us on Facebook to keep up with all our posts.