Mötley Crüe frontman Vince Neil definitely has a troubled history with driving. He came under fire in late 1984 for an incident in which he drunkenly lost control of his car while partying with members of Finnish band Hanoi Rocks, killing their drummer and seriously injuring two occupants in another vehicle. While Neil was ultimately punished for this transgression with a grueling two weeks in jail, we think the lifetime damage to his reputation has been a much more profound miscarriage of justice. What about all the times he made it to his destination without racking up a bodycount? As such, here are five times he was able to drive to the liquor store without killing anyone.
January 14th, 1984
Look at this! Neil, although still unspeakably intoxicated, managed to drive the three blocks from his LA mansion for a new bottle of top-shelf tequila without leaving any corpses on the road. Try telling that to the bloodthirsty media, though. They’re still too busy focusing on that vehicular manslaughter conviction he racked up later that year, as if they themselves have never made a mistake.
July 16th, 1984
What’s this? He’s perusing the aisles of his local Wine & Spirits, and his De Tomaso Pantera is sitting in the parking lot without so much as a human-sized dent? Imagine that! It’s too bad we live in such a depraved society, otherwise this would be among the most notable life events on his Wikipedia page.
December 3rd, 1983
Did the booze and sex-addled hair metal vocalist make it to the liquor store on this day? Technically, he did. Did he happen to sideswipe a parked Porsche 959 in Beverly Hills on the way? Yes, he did that as well, and without stopping to so much as leave a note. Look, we’re not writing this list to outline his exceptional driving prowess. We’re just saying he didn’t kill anyone during this trip.
August 9th, 1982
To be fair, that goldendoodle ran in front of Vince’s car, and in his defense, he tried to swerve out of its way, albeit in an extremely delayed and sluggish manner, before resuming his drive to the Martinez Beverage Center. We’ll use this example as an opportunity to clarify that by “anyone” in the title, we’re talking about humans. That poor dog, as well as the sobbing, but very much alive, six-year-old child he left in his wake, do not count.
December 04, 1984
You go, Vince! Nevermind what transpired a mere four days after this; it’s what happens in the moment that counts! You may be piss drunk on a Tuesday afternoon, arguing with the M&K Wine and Spirits clerk who says he’s legally not allowed to sell you this bottle of Wild Turkey, but you made it here without any blood on your hands. Today is your day!