SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Bret Michael’s longtime bandana and cowboy hat launched a heated custody battle of his head this week, according to sources flipping through…
Every Guns N’ Roses Album Ranked Worst To Best
You know you’re in a huge band when an iPhone autocorrects the spelling of your band name if it is unintentionally misspelled with an apostrophe…
Man Still Adamant “Talk Dirty to Me” is a Masterpiece Even After Hour 7 of Being Tortured by Pitchfork Editors
RENO, Nev. – Local music fan Roger Dalton remains steadfast in his opinion that Poison’s seminal hit “Talk Dirty to Me” is a “fucking jam”…
Review: Guns N’ Roses “Use Your Illusion II”
Every Sunday The Hard Times likes to take a trip into its extensive music vault, pick out a classic album, and review it for a…
Back in My Day, We Toured Year Round Because We Were Shitty Dads
I was looking at tour dates for one of those younger up-and-coming bands and I couldn’t help but notice that their tour was broken into…
I’m the Kid Who Shouted “I Wanna Rock”in That Music Video, and I Wish I Had Apologized to My Father Before He Died
Hi. You don’t know me, but you probably know the child I once was. Jumping around in a bedroom. Windmilling on a Stratocaster. Spinning wildly…
LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls, Girls, Girls” after over 30…
IRVINE, Calif. — Fastidious and strict Irvine Public High School Principal Gene Jensen was assaulted at work yesterday by the hair metal band Goldenrod while…
Family Reports Home Invasion by Twisted Sister
MILWAUKEE — A feral hair-metal band identifying itself as Twisted Sister broke into the home of and terrorized a local family yesterday, ultimately leaving the…
State Fair’s Whitesnake Cover Band Sadly the Real Whitesnake
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Music fans at the Kentucky State Fair were surprised and depressed last week to learn that what they thought was a Whitesnake…
I Created a YouTube Account to Comment “White Snake Is REAL Music Not the Fake Disney Crap We Got Today”
I’m not much of a computer guy, OK? I work 10-hour days at McSimmon’s Tool & Die six days a week, so let’s just say…
Trump Bans Foreigner
WASHINGTON — President Trump signed a new executive order earlier today, banning Foreigner from the United States, White House sources confirmed. Dismissing such hits as…