When we came upon the opportunity to interview Michael Sweet of the notorious Christian hair metal band Stryper, we all had a good laugh. Soon “Wouldn’t it be funny if we actually did that” evolved into “Fuck it, I’m responding!” and before we knew it we were all set for and scheduled for a completely ironic one-on-one. We felt cool, we felt above it all, and we were positive that this was going to be hilarious!
Unfortunately, that’s not how it ended up, because Christ works in mysterious ways yo. The interview resulted in us looking inward and making some pretty dope life changes. Check out our journey.
The Hard Times: Hey, Michael! We’re huuuuge fans of your music, so it’s super nice to meet you! How are you?
Michael Sweet: That’s awesome to hear! I’m doing great! How are you guys?
Oh, we’re fantastic! [snickering] Even better since we heard your new album “When We Were Kings.” It’s soooooo metal!
Oh, even after all these years it’s still amazing to hear when people like your music. It’s all I could’ve asked for, so thank you.
Yeah, [stifling laughter], Stryper is right up there with Judas Priest and Celtic Frost as one of the greats of eighties metal. You must hear that allll the time!
Heh, I don’t know about that, but I appreciate it. I’m just trying to spread His word through the language I know best, which is music. You know, I was completely lost before I was saved.
How so?
Oh, I was just wandering, you feel me? I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. I used to approach everything with a smart-alecky attitude and make a lot of snide comments, but I think I was using humor as a defense mechanism because I was so aimless and angry at myself all the time.
[shifting uncomfortably] Yeah?
It wasn’t until I became Born Again that I realized my true potential and self-worth. I can’t tell you how unbelievable it felt to suddenly know I had a purpose in life.
And just like that, you didn’t feel so lost anymore?
[smiling] Just like that.
Wow, that actually sounds very nice. Too bad that’s not really an option for someone like me, a sinner.
She takes all kinds, friend. Tell you what, I’m heading to church just after this interview. You guys want to join me?
Eh… I don’t know man.
My church loves guests! Plus there are baked goods at the reception hour and the lemon bars are to die for!
Oh fuck, we love lemon bars!
There you have it. Those lemon bars were indeed incredible, but they led to something far sweeter—our eternal salvation. It’s certainly not how we expected the interview to end, but we’ve since been washed in the Blood of the Lamb, so it looks like this website is going to be a little less crass and low-brow going forward. Now we have to go back and rework all of the questions we’d prepared for our upcoming interview with Kevin Sorbo. He’s sort of like their Danzig.