Meet Brian Holly, a man whose life took an unexpected turn at a Dave Matthews Band concert. In the concert parking lot, he took mushrooms and experienced what he describes as a profound revelation. “I saw the Universe and the Universe saw me. And, bro, it did not like what it saw,” Holly said. Determined to improve, he decided that taking psychedelic drugs at concerts would become his new identity on his path toward an enlightened life.
Holly went all-in on his new lifestyle, and began experimenting with every psychedelic he could find. “I was a psychonaut, man. I just knew I needed to get even MORE in touch with the Universe by ingesting every compound I came across,” he explains. Unsurprisingly, his life soon began to unravel. “First, my girlfriend left me after I kept telling her that some chemical I couldn’t even pronounce would make her a better person,” Holly recalled.
Then, in a move that stunned his coworkers, Holly quit his job despite it being his only means of support. “They begged me not to quit, but I felt I had a higher calling I needed to pursue. Honestly, it was a pretty cushy gig. I don’t know how I expected to keep buying those DMB tickets from scalpers without that job. ” Holly said, with palpable regret.
With no money, no job, and no girlfriend, Holly fell deeper into his drug-fueled lifestyle. “I couldn’t afford to go to concerts anymore, and what money I could scrape together I just spent on more drugs,” he explained.
Broke, alone, and coming down from a drug-fueled bender, Holly knew his life had to change. “I was listening to the Joe Rogan podcast, and I had this vision. Kermit the Frog was there, and he told me, ‘Brian, you gotta clean your room.’ It blew my mind, it was so profound. I realized at that moment the drugs had led me astray. Instead, I needed to harness the wisdom of podcasters to learn how to live a better life,” he explained. “I’m learning so much from these brilliant minds. I’ve totally turned my life around. Now, instead of drugs, I just drink copious amounts of whiskey, smoke cigars, and listen to podcasts about how to be an Alpha Male.”
Trying to make sense of this radical shift in perspective, a psychologist was consulted to analyze Holly.
“This is a classic case of a man falling victim to the ‘Psychedelia-to-Alt-Right’ pipeline. One minute they’re listening to Joe Rogan talk about DMT, and soon they are full-blown neo-fascists. If Holly continues down his path at this rate, I fear he might end up an even worse person than initially thought possible.”