Pope Francis seems to be in the news fairly regularly as a new face for the often antiquated and unwelcoming Catholic Church. Just last year, he allowed members of the LGBTQ+ community to receive blessings, and also decried laws criminalizing members of that community for merely existing. While this may (rightfully) be seen as paltry and ineffective measures from an organization with so much it needs to atone for, it is a step in the right direction toward being more welcoming. Which leads me to ask, if the Catholic Church is indeed becoming more open to new ideas, why won’t my priest transubstantiate this bag of Honey BBQ Chex Mix?
I don’t get it. I attend Mass every week with the intention of bettering myself as a person. I go to Confession several times a month, and I always put money in the collection plate. If anyone is entitled to providing a little bit of feedback to the institution, it should be me. Yet, when I make one tiny suggestion to my priest regarding the culinary preparation of the Body of Christ, I’m met with a heretofore unseen level of rather rudely expressed resistance. It really doesn’t make sense to me.
Honestly, I don’t see what the issue is. Why should the Host be constrained to wafers that essentially have the flavor and texture of Styrofoam? This way I can achieve Salvation on the go, and I don’t have to choke down something like a stale fortune cookie that’s had all the flavor sucked out of it. Has he even tried these Honey BBQ Chex Mix? They’re pretty fucking good, and they have less saturated fat than potato chips. If I was a god in human form who needed his followers to eat him in order to save their eternal souls, I’d much rather be something they don’t dread eating. After all, doesn’t Jesus love us? The more I rationalize this, the more I think I’m in the right.
Yet here we are, with my priest, who’s a representative of the supposedly evolving Catholic Church, having one of his most dedicated congregants ushered from his Sunday Mass. And honestly, for an establishment that’s supposedly trending in the right direction, they sure removed me from that church pretty forcefully. I didn’t even have the chance to request having this lukewarm 2 liter of Cheerwine turned into the Blood of Christ. I’ll take the more tactful avenue here and wait until next week to bring that up, and anyway, it looks like they locked the door behind me.