Press "Enter" to skip to content

I Wasn’t Born With It: I Earned My Narcissism

I’m sick of hearing people talk about the amazing things I do and the incredible person I am and attributing it all to what I was born with. “Oooh were you born with a silver spoon in your mouth??” No fucknuts, it was gold. Were you born with my silver dick in your mouth? No. Because my dick is also gold (and you were born with it in your mouth).

Call me entitled? Sure. Am I arrogant? Absolutely. Do I think I’m better than everyone else? You’re goddamn right. But don’t you dare say I was born this way. I earned every ounce of my narcissism.

Do you think one gets as full of themselves as I am without putting in decades of hard work? While you and your pissant little family were working eight hours a day at the dipshit factory, I was putting on my suit and slaving 10, 12, sometimes even 16 hour days looking at myself in the mirror admiring my calves and ability to grow a beard. Remember that scene in American Psycho when the hero Patrick Bateman was fucking while looking at himself in the mirror? We should all be more like Patrick. Not sure how that movie ended though, I never finished it.

SIKE! That serial killer fucking rocks! Obviously, the killing wasn’t literal. It was a metaphor. A metaphor for stepping on lesser folks who aren’t as good as you and, sure, sometimes killing them. Don’t like it? Work harder.

Was I born with money and a company my dad runs that I will eventually take over? Fuck yeah. But was my father born with that too? No! His father was. I come from a very prestigious lineage of narcissists and it’s a lot to live up to.

I wasn’t born with this clinically dangerous level of self-confidence. It’s all earned, baby. Sometimes I do 10 minutes of actual work and spend the rest of the day complimenting myself. There are times, however, when I doubt myself or even feel like maybe I’m not as good as I say I am. Sometimes I think maybe this overindulgence of arrogance and constant stream of self-congratulation is me overcorrecting for the underlying truth that I’m just an average guy who was set up pretty well in life and at times I’m even blowing that.

Those are the times I have to fight the hardest to maintain my narcissism. Because unwarranted confidence is not something you earn and keep forever. You have to work your ass off to maintain it. Anyone can be a weekend warrior narcissist but the real pieces of shit like me give it everything they’ve got year round.

I’m kidding of course. There is no one else like me. I am one of a kind. Because I earned it.