It’s 2025 and after over a decade of unchallenged mainstream hegemony, your hatred of Drake has been vindicated. Look, we all get it. After the beef, not even my favorite verses hit anymore. I’ve already reclassified “Take Care” as a Weeknd album, insisted to myself that Future carried “What a Time to Be Alive” enough that I’ve started to believe it, and the rules are that a sue-happy, upper-middle-class Canadian isn’t allowed to make “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late.” Sorry, but those are the rules. But I mean, is there really such a thing as a “Drake” song?
We all still fall victim to the Drizzy effect from time to time. You might hear “Headlines” or “Middle of the Ocean” and go, “damn, I really like this song!” Before the guilt overwhelms your helplessly infatuated eardrums, sit back and remind yourself, “There’s no chance he actually wrote this one!” With that said, here’s some tips on sifting out those pesky ghostwritten cuts in Drake’s discography.
I Like This Song! (Only Reliable Post-2018)
While we all yearn for the glory days of pre-lipo Drizzy, it’s best to accept that our favorite Canadian just isn’t capable of churning out another “Tuscan Leather.” Chances are, if you’re listening to anything from “Scorpion” or later and like it, the boy’s pen didn’t touch it. Good melodies? Clever punchlines? A cohesive track that sounds like it could be played out of anything besides a cologne-drenched BMW? You, dear reader, are listening to a ghostwritten song.
The Rhyme Schemes Incorporate More Than “-otion”
“Locomotives my preferred means of locomotion / Crodie and I don’t do demotions, only promotions / Baddies on my boat in Turks, eating cake in the ocean.” Is this a line we made up, or from a prestige producer-assisted track posted on Instagram for three minutes and then promptly deleted at the first sign of criticism? If you have to ask yourself this question, chances are, you’re listening to an authentic Drake original.
Name-Dropped Women Are of Age
Are you hearing lines about Nia Long? LaLa Anthony? Maybe a Jenner sister? Time to raise the red flags, because Drizzy almost certainly isn’t interested. References to voluptuous Moroccan models? Consider the song ghostwritten. The only time the Boy wants anything to do with an Instagram model is when it comes to breaking up his professional and personal friendships. Self-incriminating owns are core to Drake’s ethos, so if we’re not hearing our man rapping about “a milli” and don’t know if he’s talking funds or romance, tread carefully!
African-American History and Black Women Are Spoken About Respectfully
If The Boy isn’t evoking slavery to talk about sex or to disparage the Black radical tradition, chances are, you’re listening to a ghostwritten cut. If any comments about race read as distinguishable from the following phrases –– “Blacks are the real racists!” or “It was 400 years ago, buster!” –– with simultaneous use of the N-word, it’s not a Drake track! Similarly, look out for bars that are respectful of Black women. If these references don’t reek of past rejection, insecurity, reflect the views of Drizzy’s favorite redpill forums, or result in getting smoked by Megan Thee Stallion, you’re listening to a ghostwritten cut.
Only One Accent is Used
Self-explanatory.