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“I Like the Strokes” and 10 Other Neutral Statements for When You Don’t Really Wanna Reveal Anything About Your Taste

When you’ve got weird-ass taste, sometimes it’s easier to just go with the flow and try to get along with the teva-wearing normies at the backyard BBQ you reluctantly attended by keeping your opinions about Marquee Moon to yourself. To help you out, here are 10 neutral statements that’ll keep you from opening the can of worms that is your taste:

“Mmmm Yes I’ll Have Your Local IPA”

IPAs used to basically scream, “holy shit, this dude is like a bread-water sommelier!” but thanks to Peaky Blinder-lookin’ Father John Misty fans, they were ruined a long time ago. So now, an IPA reveals nothing about your taste except that you like to get drunk faster than your friends. But hey, if you wanna get funky with it, you can even chuck around the word “hops” to describe your IPA. Cuz what the fuck is a hop? No one knows! And if you’re talking to someone who ACTUALLY knows, you should probably get the hell out of that convo.

“Yeah, I Had a Radiohead Phase in College.”

Here’s a spiel (feel free to copy it word for word) in case you wanna provide any details about that super unique and special phase of your life: “What? Yeah. I WAS an English major. Switched to Psych and sociology though. My favorite Radiohead record? Oh for sure it’s gotta be “Kid A.” WAIT! “In Rainbows.” Gotta be “In Rainbows.” Yeah. And wow, Johnny Greenwood. That dude is GOOD at guitar. And he does music scores! Have you seen *insert any Paul Thomas Anderson movie*?”

“I Played Soccer Growing Up”

This is the kind of neutral statement you can drop into a conversation like one of those “grow-a-dinosaur” things that you plop into a glass of water. But instead of a limp, soggy dino, you get a limp, soggy conversation about childhood sports. Which is pretty much the same thing.

“I Buy All My Records at Barnes & Noble.”

The Barnes & Noble record section might be the last (and first) bastion of curating neutral taste. Plus, who doesn’t love buying a Lana Del Rey record with a frosty Frappuccino in your hand? And look over there! It’s a whole wall of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumours!’

“I Mean, Come On, it’s The Beatles”

The ultimate “yeah, duh” of music. The only way you can mess this up is if you happen to be listening to a song that’s NOT the Beatles. In which case, you’re a stupid idiot person. Of course, there’s the off-chance that you run into a Beatles-hater. And in that case, you’ve entered a conversation with someone who enjoys the sound of their voice over pretty much anything else––buckle up for some hardcore listening!

“I Bet They’re AWESOME Live.”

Works for literally any band. Why? Because even if a band DOES suck live, no one wants to admit that they wasted their hard-earned moolah on a ticket to a Limp Bizkit cover band show where Bud Light seltzers cost 40 bucks a pop. So yeah. I bet they were AWESOME live.

“Man, They Totally Crushed the Mix on This Song!”

You don’t know what you’re talking about. They don’t know what you’re talking about. Ignorance is bliss, baby.

“Yeah, I DID Listen to All of Andre 3000’s Flute Record”

Chances are, you’re probably talking to someone who isn’t even aware that this album existed. All they know is that Andre 3000 sings “Hey Ya” from that video game “Just Dance 2” and that flutes are an instrument. And never the two shall meet. But they did. And If there were ever two things to cancel each other out, it’s Andre 3000 and a goddamn flute.

As Rick Rubin Says, “an Idea is an Idea”

While this might not be a REAL Rick Rubin quote, we’re pretty friggin’ sure that this is the kind of thing he would say in a podcast clip that ends up on your buddy Jeff’s Instagram story with a “mind-blown” emoji (and also a syringe emoji, quite inexplicably). But the point is, this quote is SO neutral that it might stop the whole conversation altogether. “An idea is an idea?” Where do you go from there? NOWHERE, DAMMIT! Unless, ya know, someone wants to talk about Rick Rubin and in that case, get ready to be even more confused.

“Haha yes! This IS a Nirvana T-Shirt. Good Eye!”

You know the one. The one with the smiley face and the tongue and the X’s for eyes. The one that’s permanently on sale at Target. Wait you’re telling me this is actually a Blink-182 shirt? Fuck.