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How to Make Your House Show Feel More Like a Home Show

We all remember house shows — the moshing on PBR-soaked hardwood floor, the carpeted basement that feels like a cancer-sauna, and most of all, the parents who own the house that clearly shouldn’t have been parents. However, some house shows just don’t feel quite right. That’s why we’re here to show you how to turn your house show into a home show just in time for the reopening of venues.

Having a House – Now before you call me a classist cog in the bourgeoisie machine, remember that “house” is literally in the name of “house-show.” Now if you want to dig up Merriam Webster’s grave and piss on their corpse for being a fascist, go for it, but don’t come crying to me. The first thing for your house show is an actual home. The most efficient method is to rent from a trusting landlord and hope they forget and allow your lease to lapse. Once they realize their mistake, it’s time to throw one last show and move.

Decorations – If your house show has any cred, your bathroom should already be coated in stickers and everything should be broken. Next is to decorate the rest of your space with flowers and candles. Consider holiday decorations from Five Below based on the season. This will make your bands and attendees feel like they are back home from college on break, which will be very welcome considering many of them most likely would be.

Cocaine Should Only be Done In the Master Bathroom – We all know everyone at a house show is on massive amounts of drugs. Though not Prozac and Lithium or any of the drugs they should actually be on. The number one key to making your house show feel more like a home show is knowing that everyone is coked out of their mind without actually seeing anyone do cocaine. Let’s face it, it’s fun to see 10 people go into a bathroom and act like we don’t know what’s going on. Also, make sure you invite us next time.