It’s no secret the world is becoming more and more difficult for the working man such as myself to make ends meet. Be it Self-checkouts taking away cashier jobs or self-driving cars putting cab drivers out of business. And in my particular case, family members who decide to fulfill their loved one’s wishes by having them cremated when they pass away. I’m here to tell you that it’s selfish, and downright wrong.
Oh, you think you’ll live more at peace having Grandma’s ashes hanging on the mantle above the fireplace forever? Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe that type of thinking is what is sending ghouls such as myself to the unemployment line? You know what it’s like having to tell your kids daddy can’t give them Christmas this year because there are no more corpses buried with their priceless family heirlooms for me to dig up and pawn anymore?
“Ohhh, Granny wanted it this way. Granny couldn’t live with the idea of rotting in a box and becoming worm food. Wah wah wah.” Some people just really make me sick, you know?
I took on the grave robbing life because that’s what my pappy did, so did his pappy and his pappy before him. There was a time when one man could provide for his entire family on one body snatcher’s income alone! When I first started robbing graves in the early ’80s, I would easily rake in $500-$700 bucks worth of jewelry, gold teeth and brooches a week, easy! Now you got these selfish families burning up their loved ones just as their burning up dollar bills for someone like me.
Now when I look into my son’s eyes, I can’t help but wonder what the future of our business will be like when he’s my age. I fear that he’ll have to put the shovel down one day and…..go to college or something. Ughh, I shudder at the thought.
So whenever the day comes that you yourself might be considering cremation when you die, think about me and my family. Don’t let your posthumous “wishes” affect those of us out there just trying to make a very, very dishonest living.