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Hey Dad I Got You a Pack of Cigarettes for Father’s Day! You Can Come Home Now!

Hey Dad, I know it’s been about 9 years since I last saw you but if you are out there I have something to tell you:

Happy Father’s Day!

Guess what? I got you that pack of cigarettes you’ve been looking for! You know what that means? You can come home now!

Man, 9 years ago when you went out to buy that pack of cigarettes we were so upset. I cried myself to sleep countless nights wondering where you’d gone but I vowed that when I was old enough I’d go out and find that pack for you so you could come home.

I know the past decade has probably been hard for you. I mean me, Mom and Andy have had a rough time of it too, with Mom’s constant cycle of alcoholism and stream of unhinged boyfriends. But I know it’s probably been way worse for you! I mean, a pack of cigarettes so elusive you’ve been looking for years? That must have been tough.

While you’ve been away kids at school have been making fun of me for, “not having a dad.” But I told them you were like Gandalf from Lord of the Rings, going on a treacherous quest and when the time was right you would return home. And now is that time! I got you that pack of Lucky Strike’s you’ve been searching for all these years.

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So come on home and have a smoke, Daddy! We need to catch up! I can tell you about all my ballgames you missed, and you can tell me why you didn’t just head to the gas station down the street for a pack of smokes like I did.

I miss you!

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

You can come home now and we can be a family again!

What are you waiting for!? Dad? Alright, I’m sure you’re just busy like you were during all those school plays. I understand. Just let me know when you get here.

Did your dad leave for a pack of cigarettes and never come back? Let us know in the comments!