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Help! I Took a Week off From Smoking Pot To See if I Function Better, and I Do!

I often find myself disorganized, tired, and way behind on various tasks and projects. I complain about it often, and I started to get really tired of friends, family, and voices in my own head suggesting that maybe I should lay off the cannabis for a while. As we all know, weed has absolutely zero negative effects and any perception that it does is just a holdover from Reagan’s America.

Since weed is in no way shape or form addictive (which is why I can do it every day,) I decided to shut these naysayers and inner monologues up by giving up cannabis for a week. Well, that week is up, and this has been the biggest backfire of my entire life.

After seven days of consuming absolutely no cannabis, I am undoubtedly a better employee, a better husband, and a happier more productive person. I’m organized, clear-headed, and more present. I even wrote a short story that had been bouncing around in my head for like three years. In other words, I am royally fucked here.

I literally have no idea what to do with this information.

I took a week off from weed and it turns out I function better. Okay, great, but now that week is up. Now every morning when I take my first bong hit I’m like, weirdly bummed out.

This is like the story “Flowers for Algernon,” only in… reverse… or, what happens in that story? Agh, see?! It’s happening already!

I miss the before time — my innocence. I miss knowing pot had zero adverse effects and that I was just naturally lazy and incompetent. I want to go back.

I have cursed myself. I am now forced to go through the rest of my life blazing that 420, 24/7, knowing that I am but a puppet who can see the strings. Do not make the same mistake I made. Let my life serve as a cautionary tale: Never stop smoking pot.