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Help! I Learned to Code but the Instructions Were From 2001 and Now I Only Know How To Make Farscape Fan Sites

I was feeling really frustrated with my career progression (or lack thereof). So, I decided to just do what every mouth breather said I should and learn how to code.

Someone should’ve mentioned the importance of finding an up-to-date guide, because the first-edition copy of HTML & CSS: Everything You Need to Know that I found at Goodwill was published in that fleeting window between Bush’s inauguration and 9/11. And while it taught me some web design, it’s not much good since all I’ve been able to make are “Farscape” sites.

Do you remember “Farscape?” I’ve never seen it. But I guess it aired on Sci-Fi (sorry, SyFy) back in the day? I thought maybe it was the show with the Cylons but that was “Battlestar Galactica.”

It all started when I finished my first “Coding Challenge.” I did what I thought were some basic inputs, and when I ran in, I was greeted with neon green text on a black background reading “FARSCAPE FAN CONNECT”, along with some low-res images and what I guess is the theme song playing on a loop? Oh, and a “Which character are you?” quiz that really hinges on knowing the difference between a Scarran and a Peacekeeper.

I don’t know what those are. I’ve never even seen Farscape.

I tried to just shrug it off and try again later. But the next day, I made it through another chapter. And what did I get? Another eyesore of a site, this time with a “Save Farscape” petition on the front page. I guess the show got canceled and people got mad? Again, I don’t know anything about this.

And it just doesn’t stop. Right before writing this, I somehow made another one, this time completely devoted to someone called “Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan.” I don’t even know how to begin to pronounce that.

I’d have stopped by now. But I’ve somehow already got 10 signatures in my guest book for my latest site. And I figured the next one could at least double that.

Also, in case anyone wants to know, I took the character quiz, and apparently, I’m “Xhalax Sun.” Cool name, at least.