Woah, woah, woah. Anchors down. Full stop. Just because I have mutton chops and happen to be standing on a ship while wearing a captain’s hat does not make me an expert on boats. You close-minded moron. You are scum and the second we get back to land I’m reporting you to the local authorities as a one-man hate group. But to answer your original question, yeah, that’s actually the stern, not the bow.
Do you know how hard it is to shave your beard into a pair of tasteful, precisely crafted mutton chops? It’s almost as hard as tying a cleat hitch sturdy enough to attach my fishing vessel to the wharf. And by the way, this is something I learned to do long before adopting these hairy cheek peninsulas. You bigoted sea-Hitler.
You’re lucky we’e not in international waters, because out there insulting a man’s choice in appearance is punishable by whatever the fuck I want. I would also like to point out that I studied this long before getting my mutton chops. I was more of a sideburns guy back then. Not that you’d bother to know, but there’s a big difference.
It would be nice if I could actually take a moment to enjoy my facial hair without a nosey land-lubber like you approaching me for advice on where to buy a decent sail or pair of kayak paddles. Especially at my job at REI.
If you’re looking to do some light sailing, a woven nylon sail is your best bet, by the way. And since you’re a beginner I’d recommend a pair of feathered Carlisle Day Tripper paddles, since they’re not too expensive. Remember not to over-exert yourself, and always bring a life jacket. Just kidding. I hope you perish in the dark depths of the Atlantic.
Maybe I’m overreacting a little. After all, much like how JNCO jeans are popular with nu-metal fans, the Chops are very popular amongst seafolk. I’m just hurt that it was my sideburn-beard that clued you into my profession instead of my hook hand, eye patch, or the giant squid I’ve been fighting this entire time.
All I ask is that next time, maybe think before you make an assumption about someone’s level of seamanship. Because not even the cold, inhuman wrath of the ocean can do more damage than words.