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Had I Known So Many People Were Coming to My Intervention I Would’ve Brought More Booze

Where are my manners? I mean, it’s not every day you get your own intervention with this many people. I didn’t think we would ever top last year’s turnout but holy shit, here we are! Anyway, I really should’ve done some self-reflection and learned an important lesson from that last one and brought more booze this time around.

How embarrassing! I’m usually quite good at ball-parking the numbers on these types of special events too. I find it’s always a good idea to bring more liquor than you think you’re going to need. That way there can be leftovers for the next morning.

But anyway, it’s so nice to see all of your faces. I’d split what I have with all of you, it’s just I have a hard time functioning without it. You understand, right? Seems to be just part of the human experience.

You’re probably thinking that bringing alcohol to an intervention is a bit unorthodox, but if you really think about it I’m the only one here thinking about all of you. Also, last year’s intervention was such a downer and I’m more of a “let’s have fun until we puke” kind of guy.

I mean, you all know how uncomfortable I get when the spotlight is on me. I tense up, get self-conscious, and look for the nearest alcoholic liquid I can find to ease the tension. Remember that time I had no choice but to take a swig of rubbing alcohol because that was the only thing around that wasn’t water? Oof. Would not recommend it, but honestly it did the trick.

But anyway, I really want to thank everyone for coming and I’ll see you all next year where I’ll be sure to stop at the liquor store beforehand. A little heads up would be really nice too. I like to be prepared and well-stocked for all occasions.

Oh, there’s more? Why do I not remember that?