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Getting High: How to Do It

Everyone knows getting high is awesome. Musicians do it. Joe Rogan does it. Hunter S. Thompson used to blaze 24/7 and he wrote one of Johnny Depp’s best films. But how exactly does one “partake” you ask? Hard Times has you covered! Follow our step by step guide to getting zooted and you’ll freak your bean so hard your 5th eye will open!

STEP 1: Procuring the Proper Utensils, Man

Ok so first you want to bop on down to your local spoon store. You know what I’m talking about. A “Tobacconist.” You’re local tweak lab, you’re glass gallery, you’re haberdashery. Talking about the head shop yo. Dip on down to the head store and grab some bongs, some papes, couple of one hitters, about four or five chillums and a wig-wag. Alternatively the chillums could be substituted with three bangers or one bubbler but only if you’re working with a diffused downstem.

– When purchasing rolling papers from heady-head headshops be sure to refer to them as “water pipes” so they know you’re not a narc.
– Eric works there on Thursdays and Saturdays. He is so fucking chill.

STEP 2: Find Guy
Finding a guy is a crucial step in the getting stoned process. You’re going to have to be cool and also chill as well. Once you find the guy (guy can be a girl too, ok bro?) you’re going to want to get yourself a stash. Personally I prefer a blend of Purple Monkey Balls, Green Crack, Purple Urkle, Lurples Nerples, Joe Don Baker, Cheese Pencil and White Girl OG, but really anything will do.

– Make sure the guy isn’t a fucking cop
– Make sure there aren’t any chebba hawks looking to scheme
– Seriously dude, watch out for narcs

STEP 3: Spark That Jibber!
Go ahead and pack that stash into a bat or a dug out or a g-bong or whatever and spark that shit yo!


– Don’t fucking crown it!

STEP 4/20 (hahaha): Inhale The Pot

Now that your jibber is sparked, it’s time to use your lungs to inhale the aromatic yet acrid smoke of the cannabis plant. This is similar to conventional breathing only with pot smoke instead of air.


You’re freaking out! Don’t freak out. Dude. Don’t freak out dude. OK? OK.

STEP 6: Go Look at Some Alex Grey Shit Dude!

Isn’t that so fucking trippy? I mean shit, doesn’t that just blow you’re fucking lid off man? Holy fuck! Can you imagine if shit was like that? That shit would be fucking INSANE!


– Don’t freak out!

Follow these simple steps and you’ll be zooted off of your tits in no time! Personally, I think marijuana is awesome, and I can’t wait to try it! Remember to watch out for cheeba hawks and narcs and try not to smoke any cocaine because that’s how friggin Jim Morrison died I think.

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