Before we leave the house I need everyone to be on the same page: My barber might be there tonight. If any of you fuck this up for me there will be hell to pay.
You got that? GOOD.
Have you even SEEN my hair lately?! Do you really mean to tell me you aren’t impressed with my fade? And don’t you dare tell me my hard part isn’t cool as shit.
This is all thanks to the man who changed my life, Mick the barber. A man’s relationship with his barber is a true bond of trust and brotherhood — only more sacred.
A barber can also destroy a man.
Imagine how shitty our promo photos would look if I still had that scene kid haircut? I’m sick of being defined by the 9 years I spent wearing Bring Me the Horizon T-shirts. Do people know I listen to REAL hardcore now? Of course they do! And you know Goddamn well it’s because of this haircut.
Whenever I head to Mick’s shop I know I’m in for more than just a haircut. It’s like a first-class flight, only there’s a bunch of dudes with tattoos. When I’m waiting Mick always lets me sit on a vintage couch, read a vintage playboy, and he even offers me a beer. Yeah that’s right, a beer.
FUCK A LIQUOR LICENSE!
So, I REALLY can’t have you dumbasses messing this up for me. You got that!?
Mick and I are so tight I don’t even feel the need to tip him anymore. Our relationship is beyond that now.
Mick is like a combination father/brother/best friend to me when I’m in that chair. So if you meet him tonight and you do anything stupid, anything to embarrass me, YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD. I’m serious. I’m hoping tonight is the night he finally remembers my name. If you ruin this chance for me it’s back to square one.
So please, be cool.
Did your barber save your life? Let us know in the comments below!