Well, that was exhausting. But also, fulfilling… in a way that I probably shouldn’t explicate on in case any legal officials are paying attention. But for the rest of you rough-and-tumble millennials just trying to make it through the day-to-day, you’ll be happy to know that you can successfully hide a human corpse without sacrificing your video game time. That’s right, it’s Paper Mario time.
Shit, I’m gonna be such a great dad.
Sometimes I question whether or not I’m really an adult. I mean, at my age, my father was already on his third divorce, and me, I’ve got all these fucking cats. But now, like my father, I can successfully disappear a second wife with no pokey cops sniffing around my “near-studio” apartment. I share the kitchen with nine other 34-year-olds who are all working on the same screenplay.
Time and dismembered limb management are the types of things they should have taught us in school. Fuck calculus, I need to know which kind of saw is best for dismembering a human femur.
It counts as extra adulting because it was a fat guy.
While all you high-and-mighty boomers are out there bragging about your McMansions, guess what I just inconspicuously buried under your heated garage. Good luck with the K-9 unit, you out-of-touch bozos.
Looks like those old mafia guys at the deli were wrong. Home Depot is a good place to buy your disposal shovels, although in hindsight, I wish I had also bought gloves.
Also, to be clear, I didn’t kill anyone; I just hid the corpse. What happened was, I was supposed to have been paid by a stingy bitch named… oh, let’s just call him Tronald Dump, to make a problem with a certain AP reporter go away. Well, it’s away, but that flatulent shister still owes me $90 and a participation trophy. My generation really does go rock hard for participation trophies.
