We all remember how we felt on that Tuesday morning in 2001. The sudden sense of despair and hopelessness that overcame us when we saw the Twin Towers collapse would have been all-encompassing had it not been for then-Mayor of New York City Rudy Giuliani. The air of strength and calm he emanated was contagious, and America looked to him as a true source of courage and stability at a time when it could not have been more sorely needed. So what has Rudy been up to in the years since? We sat down with him to find out.
Full disclosure, I’m usually the doom metal guy, and I don’t really follow the news. When I pitched doing this interview, I got a lot of weird looks from the staff. They must have been thinking, “Who does this doom metal guy think he is tackling such a big interview all by himself?” because they just stared at me like it was the craziest thing they had ever heard. There was this long, uncomfortable silence, and then the editor said, “Hey man, if you think you can make it happen, could be interesting, I guess…” like, sort of dismissively?
All I know is I’m going to try my best and carry out this interview as professionally as I can. It’s not every day you get to interview someone who’s risen to such an unassailable level of bipartisan respect as ole Rudy.
The Hard Times: Wow, Mayor Giuliani, it’s such a pleasure to meet you. How are you?
Rudy Giuliani: The Biden Crime Family stole the 2020 election and I have been persecuted, much like Jesus Christ, for attempting to call attention to it.
HT: What?
RG: Thank God for President Trump. If it weren’t for him, this country would be totally and completely lost.
HT: Oh no, we can’t endorse a statement like that.
RG: Then you are a part of the communist, fake news propaganda machine.
HT: Are you OK, Mr. Mayor? You’re sweating an awful lot, and there’s black ink running down your face.
RG: Do you think I’m stupid? They were stuffing the ballot boxes; plain as day! Anybody could see it.
HT: Are you talking about the 2020 election? Those claims were refuted countless times, and anyway, Trump won in 2024, so why are you—
RG: THE CHINESE MANUFACTURED THE COVID-19 VIRUS!
HT: Jesus Christ, I think we need to end this interview.
RG: YOU CAN SILENCE ME, BUT YOU CAN’T SILENCE THE PEOPLE! THE DEMOCRATS WILL PAY FOR THE DAMAGE THEY’VE DONE TO ME AND THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY, AND —
It was at that point that I decided to cut the recording and get the fuck away from America’s Mayor as quickly as possible. Seriously, the dude is completely insane, and if you ever see him, I strongly advise turning around and running the other way. For my part, I feel really sheepish about not doing my due diligence while scheduling this, and I am hopeful that my interview next week with Fear Factor host Joe Rogan will make up for the transgression.