2016 has been a landmark year for lines of cocaine. But with so many out there, how can you pick the absolute best ones to not even get a taste of because a garage rock douchebag is planning on doing them all himself?
Don’t worry, Hard Style is here to help you with this definitive guide to the top five lines of cocaine a garage rock douchebag doesn’t even plan on sharing, accompanied quotes he said before he snorted each line — never even thinking to offer you one.
5. “Hey man, you like reeeal rock ‘n’ roll? Come with me, chief.”
More Hard Style: We Sent Our Burning Man Correspondent to the Wrong Desert, So Here’s a Report on Desert Lizards
4. “Punk doesn’t even begin to describe what The Ramones represented man, that’s straight up the rebirth of American rock ‘n’ roll, baby.”
3. “Yeah I sing in a band, we’re playing a gig at The Green Elephant next month, you should come through man, so many fine chicks at our gigs. Let me let you in on a little secret man: Chicks don’t like hardcore, brotha. You gotta play some shit they can dance to.”
2. “None of these punk bands can write a real song. My band is like Roky Erickson meets The Kinks, man. Real special, man. So special — real fucking rock ‘n’ roll, baby. Just need to replace our asshole keyboardist and we’re gonna be doing BIG THINGS.”
1. “BIG BIG THINGS, baby. I get so much pussy, man. SO MUCH! So much pussy.”