If you’re a millennial or older, you probably remember “Stolen Honeymoon,” the leaked, mid-nineties sex footage of then-newlyweds Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee filmed largely on a houseboat on the waters of Lake Mead, Arizona. You might even have managed to procure a copy for yourself, or at least were able to sneak a viewing of it from a friend’s father’s collection. However, we at the Hard Times never got that chance, and only recently thought to access it on the Internet.
While we pride ourselves in reporting punk news, we want to make one thing absolutely clear: there is absolutely nothing “punk” about refusing to adhere to boating laws written to ensure the safety of all participating in maritime activities, be they professional or recreational. With that having been established, what we saw in “Stolen Honeymoon” was such a shocking and horrifying display of thoughtless abandon that we would consider ourselves criminally negligent if we didn’t call them out. As such, here are 5 of the most flagrant violations of Arizona boating law we were unfortunate enough to witness in this video.
- Insufficient Personal Floatation Devices (PFD)
This is a big one. According to Arizona law, all vessels are required to have an easily accessible, Coast Guard-approved PFD for each person on board, yet nary is seen within reach throughout the entirety of the video. Both Anderson and Lee show a wanton disregard for this statute, and Anderson even goes so far as to enter the waters without a swimsuit, let alone a PFD at the ready. As the presumed owner of the boat, it was Lee’s job to ensure both he and his exhibitionist new wife had one before venturing out on the lake for their nautical journey of sucking and fucking. In failing to do so, he put both of them in mortal danger of inclement weather-induced choppy waters or an accident resulting from poor stewardship (more on that to come.) We can only count our blessings that neither occurred.
- Unlawful Use of Foghorn
Each boat should come equipped with a foghorn whose designated purpose is to alert other vessels of its presence, particularly when the water’s conditions have significantly hampered visibility (e.g. fog.) It can also be used to warn of potential hazards in the paths of others. It is not a toy to be operated needlessly and gratuitously with your oversized penis, as Lee so heedlessly demonstrates in the video. Doing so can cause unnecessary stress on other boaters who may be in the area, which may further result in hazardous situations for which, as we’ve established in Violation #1, neither party was equipped.
- Reckless Operation
While at the helm of the boat, it is of utmost importance to maintain consistent awareness of the vessel’s speed, propeller area, and position relative to any potential hazard markers. This requires the operator to be seated upright with both hands firmly upon the wheel. Completely naked while intermittently steering with his feet, and sometimes even leaving the helm altogether without anchoring, Lee exhibits a disdain for these regulations which would almost be comical if it weren’t so dangerous. Shame on you, Tommy.
- Failure to Give Way to Restricted Vessel
As Anderson is swimming nude in the water next to the (presumably) unanchored boat, we hear another vessel approaching. From the sound of the motor, this is clearly a Crestliner 1860 Retriever CC Tunnel, which of course is a fishing boat. As we all know, fishing boats are considered restricted within designated areas, so it would have been incumbent upon Lee to ensure sufficient passage for the Crestliner. Predictably, he does not do this, instead choosing to implore his spouse to reveal her submerged breasts to him. This not only put the two of them in danger, but the poor inhabitants of the oncoming Crestliner as well. Lee would be well served in keeping his priorities in check next time, lest tragedy result.
- Sitting on Gunwale While Boat is Unmoored
Towards the end of the video, we see Anderson teasing Lee by repeatedly revealing her pubis while seated perilously on the boat’s gunwale. Such behavior is committed at a profound and unwarranted risk to her safety, especially given the lack of PFD as outlined in Violation #1. While it was surely Lee’s responsibility to ensure his boatmate had a thorough knowledge of the boat’s designated seating at the onset of their excursion, Anderson is not completely without fault for not letting common sense dictate her physical location before she began to digitally penetrate herself. Honestly, this complete breakdown of passenger welfare can be placed squarely on both of their shoulders.
There you have it. While this list is by no means exhaustive, it should provide the reader with more than enough information to conclude that these two have a lot to learn when it comes to sensible and conscientious boating. The statute of limitations on these transgressions may have long since passed, but we firmly believe they will be held wholly accountable in the court of public opinion for generations to come.