Sex Toy Section of Spencer’s Saves Marriage
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Local married couple Colin and Vanessa Means’ marriage was saved yesterday after an impromptu stop at Spencer’s…
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Zac Townsend
13 stories found
Fuck, Marry, Kill – This Guy Has Done It All
Fuck, Marry, Kill. The three paths to a complete life. Accomplishing any of these three feats before you die is…
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Help! ICE Just Took Baby Jesus From Our Nativity Scene
This has to be some type of miscommunication. ICE just showed up at our front door. We allowed them in,…
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Velcro Wallet in Over Its Fucking Head After Receiving Change for a $20
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — The physical limitations of a Velcro wallet were put to the test early yesterday evening when local…
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Marilyn Manson Gets Spine Removed to Eat His Own Ass
LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter and self-proclaimed “antichrist” Marilyn Manson is in stable condition today recovering from spinal removal surgery that…
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Bidet In Venue Bathroom Turns Out To Be Broken Sink
TAMPA, Fla. — Local show-goer Tommy Gill was informed by irate staff at Fitzie’s Pub last night that the item…
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Gravel Voted Most Unforgiving Surface by Drunks Leaving Concerts
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Gravel took home the honors last night for the most damaging and uncomfortable surface to drunkenly…
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As a White Guy I Enjoyed “Get Out” Much More Now That I Am Watching It Through a Black Man’s Body
The first time I watched Jordan Peele’s hit film Get Out I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sure my white guilt was…
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Hey Remember That Guy My Girlfriend Said I’d Love? Well I Don’t
All week my girlfriend has been telling me how I’m going to love this guy she knows: Tom. Well guess…
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Help: I Got a Forearm Tattoo and Now I’m a Chef Who Has Their Own Show on Vice
They say your life can change in the blink of an eye. All I wanted was a forearm tattoo so…
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