Well folks, there’s not been much good news going on in this once proud town of ours. Heck, last week when your trusty man about-town…
NEW YORK — Attendees of a recent show by garage punk band, The Dooley’s, were reportedly infuriated that the ‘selfish pricks’ had the audacity to…
WASHINGTON — A new report from teachers, librarians, and anyone who has ever picked up a book at any point in their life rebuked claims…
STOCKTON, Calif. — Local punk Brian Hammond assured longtime friend Chris Wilson that although he could not attend his upcoming wedding, he would be sure…
BALTIMORE — Relatives of recently deceased punk Bryan Allen decided to postpone the beginning of his funeral until a few more mourners show up, sources…
CHICAGO — Local couple Nicole Vario and Peter Brooks opted to stay together as the mere idea of dating caused both of them to become…
The powers that be have decided it’s time for even more Aughts nostalgia, that magical time of Ed Hardy shirts, butt rock, and Paris Hilton.…
LOS ANGELES — Local man and self-described “music aficionado” Alex King once again paid $15 for access to a music streaming subscription despite only listening…
GALAPAGOS ISLANDS — The Galapagos punk scene was in shock this morning after learning of the tragic death of up and coming tortoise, Sheldon, becoming…
BOSTON — Friends and relatives of local punk, Brian Gibbs, were astonished to learn that the known raging drunk considers himself to be “a functioning…
All day long I hear people whining about supporting the troops. I can’t even go to an event like a Blue Angels airshow or a…
BOULDER, Colo. — Potheads across the country are leaving out Funyuns and Shasta for the weed delivery guy as he brings marijuana to all the…
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio. — A Cameo greeting from acclaimed character actor, Michael Shannon, left the recipient of the message Josh Gaither unable to sleep and thoroughly…
BOSTON — Friends and relatives of local resident, Brian Gibbs, have reported that the 28-year-old has insisted for years that his frequent tremors are due…