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We Asked Billy Corgan to Rank These Pumpkin Flavored Drinks and He Told Us to Go Fuck Ourselves

With October nearly in the books, we decided to take a look at some of the newer variety of pumpkin flavored beverages offered up this autumn. And we thought it’d be fun to do it with the most famous pumpkin of them all, Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins.

Or so we thought.

When we surprised Corgan with our taste test at the start of the interview he just got really quiet and made a face. He chuckled and asked if this was a prank. Far from it, we told him, we thought our readers would get a kick out of it.

He told us to go fuck ourselves.

We know as well as anyone that Corgan can be a bit of a curmudgeon, but we thought he had a little bit of a sense of humor. He was on “The Simpsons” after all. But, no, we were wrong in that assumption as his frequent eye-rolling and head shaking are an indication that he’s preparing to scald us with some of the piping hot pumpkin flavored drinks we presented to him.

Also he’s still here.

He said we booked him for three hours to do this profile and he’s not leaving until it’s done. He’s just sitting there, drinking the pumpkin flavored tea we wanted him to rate. When we asked him how he liked it he gave us the finger and went back to looking at pictures of his cat on his phone.

He’s actually been drinking a lot of the pumpkin stuff we have out. He said if he’s going to be stuck here all afternoon, he’s going to need to get something in his system. We pointed out that he was halfway there with our original idea, but he told us it was the principle of not “playing our stupid fucking game” as he put it.

He mentioned the Faygo Pumpkin Soda tasted like shit, but he said if we printed that he’d have his lawyers tear us a new asshole. Telling him to relax a bit didn’t go well. He got really in one of our intern’s face, screaming something about integrity. When we asked him to sit down, he threw a chair across the room and just stood there with his arms crossed and stared at the floor for a weirdly long amount of time. It got really uncomfortable.

Hopefully the surprise appearance from Stephen Malkmus will lighten things up a little.