DENVER — Developers of a new luxury condominium announced that their new building would be named ‘The Hippodrome’ after the legendary music venue that was torn down to make way for the new structure, sources who failed to see the irony reported.
“The Hippodrome was such a seminal part of this neighborhood and was one the city’s last independently owned venues, so, naturally, we wanted to pay it tribute,” said developer Adrian Murphy. “The common area is designed as an homage to the rock and roll history that makes this neighborhood so hot right now. We’ve also partnered with LiveNation so that music aficionados here can get exclusive deals on all the biggest concerts. Plus, residents will have easy access to the Trader Joe’s, Target, and Lulemon for everything they need.”
Longtime residents didn’t lament the latest change in the neighborhood so much as finding it odd.
“I always thought the whole point of moving to the city was to escape the monotony of the suburbs, so it seems weird how excited people are about this sort of thing,” noted local homeowner, Bob Kelly. “With remote work, if all you want is upscale chains, it’d probably be cheaper to just stay in the suburbs, wouldn’t it? Look, I’m probably as guilty as anyone of playing a role in this happening, but at this stage I don’t even know why people still want to move here. Anything that made this neighborhood interesting has long since closed or been sold.”
Responding to the criticism, real estate analysts were quick to point out that developers were simply giving consumers what they wanted.
“The reality is that this is just the free market in action, as much as people want to lament it, “ noted investor Kevin Bender. “People like having these creature comforts nearby and looking at the property values there it’s what’s in demand. If an independent business is strong, it will survive. Take this bar in my neighborhood, O’Flaherty’s, it delivers on — what do you mean it’s closing? They’re turning it into a what? Aw, that’s bullshit man. Swear to god, everywhere cool in my neighborhood is getting priced out. ”
Studios at The Hippodrome start at $750,000 and will feature a burly dude in a hoodie as concierge.