Attempt to Sneak Keg Into Show Not Going Well
PITTSBURGH — Local man Kevin Cole and his friends failed again moments ago attempting to sneak a keg into a…
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Patrick Crooks
161 stories found
Suicidal Procrastinator Takes Up Smoking
FAIRFAX, Va. — Known procrastinator Dave Lowary has started smoking cigarettes in an apparent attempt to end his life, concerned…
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Congress Has Rare Moment of Bipartisanship to Make Fun of Intern’s Band
WASHINGTON — Congressional members from both sides of the aisle put aside partisan differences last week, coming together to ruthlessly…
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We Look Back On “The Boy With The Arab Strap” Because We’re Going Through Kind of a Bad Breakup
Since its release in 1998, Belle and Sebastian’s “The Boy With the Arab Strap” has grown in esteem. Tracks from…
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Grand Gesture to Win Back Girlfriend at Airport Results in Multiple Federal Charges
ATLANTA — Local man Armand Phillips was arrested yesterday and faces multiple federal charges, ranging from terrorism to reckless endagerment,…
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Priest Tells Dave Grohl He Doesn’t Need to Begin Every Confessional That Way
LOS ANGELES — Father Michael Kelly of St. Mark’s Parish asked Dave Grohl yesterday to stop beginning his confessional by…
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Radio Station Still Waiting for Any Calls to Win Trapt Tickets
WATERLOO, Iowa — The staff at KFMW Rock 108 have reportedly entered the third hour of waiting to receive a…
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Mom Prints Out Son’s 7.1 Pitchfork Review to Put On Fridge
CUMBERLAND, Md — Local mom Beth Clarke proudly placed a print-out of her son’s band’s 7.1 Pitchfork review on her…
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Anti-Vaxxer and 9/11 Truther Team Up to Ruin Dinner Party
NAPLES, Fla. — A dinner party last night was left in tatters after an anti-vaccination activist and 9/11 truther used…
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Crowd Silently Relieved Show’s Been Canceled
CHICAGO — The entire audience at Lincoln Hall last night let out sighs of relief when finding out they were…
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