Patrick Crooks, Author at HARDTIMES

October 9, 2019

FAIRFAX, Va. — Known procrastinator Dave Lowary has started smoking cigarettes in an apparent attempt to end his life, concerned…

October 1, 2019

WASHINGTON — Congressional members from both sides of the aisle put aside partisan differences last week, coming together to ruthlessly…

September 30, 2019

Since its release in 1998, Belle and Sebastian’s “The Boy With the Arab Strap” has grown in esteem. Tracks from…

September 26, 2019

ATLANTA — Local man Armand Phillips was arrested yesterday and faces multiple federal charges, ranging from terrorism to reckless endagerment,…

September 21, 2019

LOS ANGELES — Father Michael Kelly of St. Mark’s Parish asked Dave Grohl yesterday to stop beginning his confessional by…

September 16, 2019

WATERLOO, Iowa — The staff at KFMW Rock 108 have reportedly entered the third hour of waiting to receive a…

August 18, 2019

CUMBERLAND, Md — Local mom Beth Clarke proudly placed a print-out of her son’s band’s 7.1 Pitchfork review on her…

August 13, 2019

NAPLES, Fla. — A dinner party last night was left in tatters after an anti-vaccination activist and 9/11 truther used…

August 13, 2019

CHICAGO — The entire audience at Lincoln Hall last night let out sighs of relief when finding out they were…

July 25, 2019

BOSTON — Blissfully unaware of the drastic ramifications the action would soon wreak upon him, local man Elliott Cole recently…