World’s Oldest Millennial Dead at 39
MADRID — Valeria Lopez, the oldest millennial in the world, died late last night at the age of 39 following…
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Krissy Howard
162 stories found
Status Update Hijacked by Dad Wondering if You’re Coming Home for Mother’s Day
NORMAN, Okla. — A Facebook status update posted by Haute Sauce guitarist Julie Rice was hijacked today when her father…
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Overnight Oats Now Three-Week-Old Glob of Shit
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. — A bowl of overnight oats successfully converted last week into a barely recognizable “glob of…
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Report: Giant Pile of Garbage in Passenger Seat OK to Just Shove on Floor
JACKSON, Miss. — A Department of Sanitation report released early this morning stated that giant piles of garbage in passenger…
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Punk Jesus Running About 90 Minutes Late to Rise
JERUSALEM — Local punk and Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is reportedly running “an hour late, 90 minutes tops, bro”…
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Punk Jesus Running About 90 Minutes Late to Rise
JERUSALEM — Local punk and Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is reportedly running “an hour late, 90 minutes tops, bro”…
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Punk Jesus Running About 90 Minutes Late to Rise
JERUSALEM — Local punk and Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is reportedly running “an hour late, 90 minutes tops, bro”…
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Shitfaced Beto O’Rourke Wonders if You Dare Him to Jump off Parent’s Balcony Into Pool
SANTA FE, N.M. — Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke reportedly one-upped his countertop-hopping antics last night, crashing a high-school house…
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Specials Logo Loses 200th Pair of Sunglasses in Punk Rock Bowling Pit
LAS VEGAS — Legendary rude boy mascot Walt Jabsco, otherwise known as the logo for ska band The Specials, reportedly…
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Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly has nearly six gallons of uneaten lentil stew after a local…
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