Back in My Day Only Punks With Rich Parents Lived in Poverty February 24, 2021 City punks are way too soft nowadays. I’m sick and tired of hearing all this crap about wage theft and… Read More →
Business Owner Agrees to Pay Employees $15 An Hour if They Agree to Let Him Hunt Them Once A Year January 31, 2021 BILOXI, Miss. — Local fast food chain CEO Shannon Smith reluctantly agreed to pay his employees $15 an hour last… Read More →
Punk Celebrates Third Day of Sobriety With a Beer January 20, 2021 TEMPE, Ariz. — Local punk and notable party animal Hilary Jones celebrated her third consecutive day of sobriety yesterday with… Read More →
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Learn One New Machine Gun Kelly Song on Guitar Every Month January 1, 2021 There’s a reason Machine Gun Kelly’s album "Tickets To My Downfall" debuted as number one on the Billboard charts. And,… Read More →
Grindcore Audio Engineer Regrets Charging by the Hour December 27, 2020 BALTIMORE — Local audio engineer Pat “Filth” Filtrenzo realized yesterday that his “pay by the hour” business model was deeply… Read More →
New Album from The Strokes Just As Boring As Fans Hoped December 24, 2020 NEW YORK — Fans of indie rock legends The Strokes collectively agreed that the boring nature of the band’s newest… Read More →
Scrooge Exposed To Covid After Visit From Ghost Of Christmas Future December 21, 2020 LONDON — Elderly miser Ebenezer Scrooge is recovering in his palatial estate today after being exposed to COVID-19 following a… Read More →
Wedding Band Can’t Believe How Many People Came Out to See Them December 12, 2020 WAILUKU, Hawaii — Popular Maui wedding band Holy Matrimony couldn’t believe how many people flew out to Patricia and Peter… Read More →
MTV Teams Up With Bangbus For Highly Controversial Reboot Of NEXT November 30, 2020 LOS ANGELES — MTV announced today a controversial new collaboration with the adult film production company Bangbus for a reboot… Read More →
Death Row Inmate Really Regrets Not Becoming Cop Before Committing String of Murders November 12, 2020 BATON ROUGE, La. — Convicted murderer and death row inmate Tanner Greene’s biggest regret in life is not becoming a… Read More →