Every Black Flag Album Ranked May 6, 2023 Black Flag is a legendary band people love to lie about listening to. Every indie artist name-drops them as an… Read More →
Music Fan Nostalgic for Days when Pitchfork Made Him Feel Like Complete Dumbass May 6, 2023 CHICAGO — Ravenous music fan Terry Manns feels a wistful sense of melancholy for the days when music publication Pitchfork.com… Read More →
Isn’t It Ironic? You Fuckers Have Been Correcting My Definition of “Ironic” for Years, Yet I’m Currently Shitting on a Hand-Crafted Calacatta Marble Toilet Paid for by the Royalties of That Song (guest post by Alanis Morissette) May 6, 2023 Isn’t it ironic? A singer-songwriter scores a hydrogen bomb explosion of a hit in 1996 despite nOt kNoWiNg tHe dEfInItIoN… Read More →
Dickhead Reviewing Guitar Pedal Didn’t Turn All the Knobs Up at the End for Fun May 4, 2023 CHICAGO — Popular guitar pedal demoist Drew Bypass is under fire to presenting the new Kinky Effects PH-1 Phattener Phuzz… Read More →
Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Limiting Teachers to Only Use TV Cart for “Birth of a Nation” April 29, 2023 TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Reactionary governor Ron DeSantis signed a controversial law limiting all use of public school TV carts to… Read More →
Man Rolls Own Cigarettes In Order to Save Money and Look Like Complete Asshole April 28, 2023 SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Insufferable penny-pinching hipster Paul Sandor recently began the cost-cutting and dickhead-looking practice of rolling his own… Read More →
Review: Black Flag “Damaged” April 23, 2023 Each Sunday, The Hard Times looks back on a foundational punk album. This week, we’re examining Henry Rollins’ first jab… Read More →
Aging Metalhead Feeling Pathetic After Hearing Darkthrone’s “Summer of the Diabolical Holocaust” in the Grocery Store April 17, 2023 ARLINGTON, Va. — Ryan Trent, a lifelong metalhead in his late 40s, is having a crisis of identity after hearing… Read More →
Review: boygenius “the record” April 16, 2023 Supergroups are often far less than the sum of their parts, but it would be a mistake to write off… Read More →
FUCK: Selmer Just Released a Flying V Oboe April 12, 2023 ELKHART, Ind. — Legendary orchestral instrument manufacturer Selmer announced plans to edge into the metal musician market with the debut… Read More →