Page 32 – HARDTIMES

February 27, 2020

POMONA, Calif. — Indie punk band The Immoralities’ latest vinyl album allegedly contains no download code, forcing fans to perform…

February 26, 2020

LAWRENCE, Kan. — Comedy maven and respectable drummer Darrel Reynolds sent his bandmates into laughing fits yesterday by asking his…

February 24, 2020

WORCESTER, Mass. — Local straight edge man Matt Parrish reportedly thinks that his girlfriend of eight months is only interested…

February 23, 2020

So it said on your profile that you enjoy rock climbing. Well, I have a paralyzing fear of heights but…

February 23, 2020

Nostalgia for the ‘90s appeals to absolutely everyone. You can’t even work a shift at Kroger without seeing someone in…

February 18, 2020

Who is your favorite Beatle? Some choose the harder-rocking, experimental John Lennon. Others prefer the technical expertise of George Harrison.…

February 14, 2020

We all know Valentine’s Day is a holiday created by the greeting card industry to remind single people how unlovable…

February 9, 2020

DENVER — Local man Geoff Martins finally accomplished his lifelong dream yesterday, opening Mountain Trail Brewery to specialize in nondescript,…

February 7, 2020

FRESNO, Calif. — Local boyfriend and overall totally unremarkable guy Brian Cromwall utterly debased himself to do his girlfriend a…

February 5, 2020

I’m not a sociopath. I’m aware that you can’t see through my tall, chiseled, fragrant body. And I feel bad…