Band Torn Between Staying Punk as Fuck, Improving SEO
SAYREVILLE, N.J. — New Jersey punk band PornDotCom has been struggling to tow the line between defying expectations of the…
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John Danek
451 stories found
Opinion: All Food Is Comfort Food if You Eat It While You’re Crying
Just as music fans argue about genre classifications, foodies debate cuisines. And there is no cuisine more abstract than that…
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Goth Hides Stack of The Cure’s “Pornography” in Woods
BANGOR, Maine — Middle-aged goth Richard Irwin stashed his collection of The Cure’s landmark fourth album “Pornography” in the woods…
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An Open Letter To Guitar Teachers: Watching Pedal Demos Is Practice
Dear Guitar teachers of the world, Who hurt you? Every week, my guitar lesson starts off the same. I fumble…
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Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to Only Person in Apartment Building Who Breaks Down Their Boxes
OSLO, Norway — The Norwegian Nobel Committee awarded their famed Nobel Peace Prize to Los Angeles resident Ned Thompson yesterday…
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Why Wipe Your Ass With Paper When You Can Get a Bidet and Never Shut the Fuck up About It?
No economist could have predicted the year toilet paper had in 2020. There were weeks-long stretches when shelves were completely…
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REPORT: Local News Site’s Comment Section More Upsetting Than 4Chan
LANSING, Mich. — Media analysis thinktank MediaViews released a troubling report today, finding that the comment sections of Lansing’s WLXT…
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We Asked 5 Diehard Avenged Sevenfold Fans Their Favorite Album and They Asked How We Got Onto This Air Force Base
Avenged Sevenfold carried the torch for guitar-based metal and hard rock back in the mid-2000s. For 3-5 years, you couldn’t…
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Legendary Band Almost Broke Enough to Reunite
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase…
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No One on SongMeanings.Com Even Fucking Close
CHICAGO — Singer-songwriter Kyla Bernhardt learned today just how much her fans have failed to successfully parse the artistic intent…
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