Man With $5,000 Grill Pretty Much Just Doing Hot Dogs
SARASOTA, Fla. — Local husband and father of three Brett Spalding proudly showed off his expensive new grill to friends…
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Jason Clemence
20 stories found
Country Songwriter Has Totally New Angle on Dirt Roads, Cold Coors Light, and a Pretty Blonde Gal Whose Mama Raised Her Right
NASHVILLE — Country songwriting newcomer Bill “Ribeye” Jackson unveiled a new track that reportedly had completely inverted the dominant paradigm…
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Lazy Vinyl Collector Well-Versed in First Half of Classic Albums
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. — Self-described “audiophile” and “vinyl junkie” Jerry Cordman possesses encyclopedic knowledge of the first half of countless masterful…
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Death Metal Band Debuts New Logo After Bassist Takes Photo of Cooked Spaghetti He Spilled on the Floor
TAMPA, Fla. — Local death metal band Sinister Descent unveiled a brand new logo after bassist Saul Cohen had the…
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Trump Pays Tribute to David Lynch with 80-Minute Speech About How Deeply He Identifies with Frank Booth from “Blue Velvet”
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recently paid his respects to filmmaker David Lynch with a drawn out speech primarily focusing…
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Middle-Aged Metal Fan Prepares Elaborate Story for Record Store Clerk About Why He’s Just Now Purchasing “Reign in Blood”
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 46-year-old metalhead Rich Dresden nervously concocted a complex narrative to explain to the clerk at Urgent…
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Explosions in the Sky Derides Nation’s Recent Drop in Stirring Sports Movie Output
AUSTIN, Texas — Members of the instrumental post-rock band Explosions in the Sky condemned Hollywood’s current lack of emotionally resonant…
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We Honor David Lynch’s Legacy by Looking Back at 10 Scenes from his Filmography that Made Us Say “Wow, That Was Fucked Up”
Earlier this week, iconic American filmmaker David Lynch died, leaving behind an astonishingly brilliant and bizarre body of work that…
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Every Blood Incantation Album Ranked Worst to Best
Blood Incantation is probably the most divisive critically-acclaimed metal band to come along since Deafheaven dropped that pink album in…
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Famous Authors Ranked by Their Ability to Front a Successful Metal Band
It's often hard to define the metal genre, it's vast, with hundreds, if not thousands of sub-genres of which nerds…
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