HARTFORD, Conn. — Elder millennial Thomas Sharpe is reportedly in “critical and deteriorating condition” after erroneously believing that his haggard husk of a body could…
The Wet Bandits are not what anyone would call criminal masterminds. But following our mandatory annual Hard Times staff rewatch of “Home Alone,” we’re not…
The Mountain Goats’ sound could be likened to the reality of being a weekend dad set in a minor key. As we’ve discussed before, the…
SMYRNA, Del. — High school metal band Drunk Blacksmith made an adolescent pact that if when they’re all “as old and unappealing as stale dogshit”…
BALTIMORE — Volunteers with the organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Acoustics (PETA (But Not Assholes)) recently rescued a badly mistreated Yamaha acoustic guitar…
AJJ has long used their music as a vehicle to communicate about mental health, often with illusions to bizarre bodily anomalies or just the outright…
NEW YORK — A new choose-your-own-adventure horror book intended specifically for individuals in their mid-thirties entitled “Halfway To the Grave” always results in the reader’s…
“Game of Thrones:” the acclaimed HBO fantasy-drama that proved incontrovertibly that Americans will watch literally anything if you cram enough tits and butts in front…
NEW YORK — Eric Trump continually derailed the proceedings in the $250 million fraud case against the Trump family and their company when he took…
Well, this is not promising. The group sex hasn’t even started yet and already half the people in this candlelit chateau are already harmoniously chanting…
LAS VEGAS — Local trick-or-treaters at Fat Mike’s house were sadly let down after receiving copies of NOFX’s release “The Decline” in lieu of candy,…
Halloween: just one of many holidays that, upon reaching adulthood, is little more than an excuse to get absolutely shitfuck wasted without being judged as…
What do we know about Jello Biafra? We know he once ran for mayor of San Francisco and that his voice is the tonal equivalent…
MOUNT JOY, Penn. — Slipknot’s latest music video for the song “Hive Mind” turned out to actually be a thinly veiled promotional material for the…
BEL AIR, Md. — Elder punk Cameron McClintock was recently addressed as “sir” by staff at an area Hot Topic while wearing an aged “Milo…