Hey Dad, I know it’s been about 9 years since I last saw you but if you are out there I have something to tell…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sad sack Mark Curtis unknowingly surpassed the world record for consuming the most French onion dip in a single sitting yesterday,…
Like teachers, homework, and textbooks from the 70s, class clowns are a pillar of the American high school experience that transcends time and place. They…
Loss is hard. Whether it’s a loved one, a dear friend, or someone barely in the periphery of your life who you’re dying vicariously through,…
WASHINGTON — Local punk Dave Murphy has a weirdly small TV which is causing great confusion, concern and disappointment in his social circle, according to…
PHILADELPHIA — A local hardcore crew embarrassed themselves publicly after posting an incredibly weak crew pic, their first since COVID restrictions were lifted, multiple sources…
Hey I really hope you’re doing alright, seriously I am so sorry for your loss. If there is anything I can do, please let me…
STUDIO CITY, Calif. — Popular game show “Jeopardy!” ceased filming mid-episode last week when contestant and off-duty police officer Jamie Boyd shot up the studio…
MADISON, Wis. — Local mom Helen Dupree is reportedly torn between feelings of disappointment, dejection and confusion after her son gifted her a Cameo message…
Hey guys, I know I’m running a little late but — I know, I know, I’m trying to get there. I’m just super behind right…
PARMA, Ohio — Local punk Matt Onofrio looks substantially worse after getting in better physical shape over the last several months, defying all laws of…
Hey bud how’s it going? I’ll give the phone back to your mother in a second just wanted to say hi. Hey. Have you gotten…
BOSTON — Socially conscious punk Casey Chaminski is reportedly torn today between supporting a local coffee roaster that consistently fucks up his order, or a…
I’m a dedicated father, husband, son, and, thank my lucky stars, I’m even still a grandson! Boy howdy, I love each and every member of…
Look I know this pandemic has been hard, I know I’m not alone in the constant anxiety, paranoia, and despair that the COVID-19 Pandemic has…