HOMEWOOD, Ill. — First responders are attempting to reach a group of fathers that became stuck when a local man-cave weakened and toppled around them…
Okay now just relax. I want you to close your eyes, inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, and exhale…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local aging punk Adrian Cox, once known for outlandish behavior like snacking on shattered light bulbs, refused an hors d’oeuvre at a…
CHICAGO — Local nonagenarian Horace Miles finally settled on a design for what he would like his first tattoo to be after mulling it over…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Heavy Metal Archaeologists remain locked in fierce debate over who erected a pyramid of Coors Light cans that was recently excavated from…
SAN FRANCISCO — New COVID-19 mutation the Gamma Variant garnered attention with a cryptic tweet telling followers it had “big” plans for fall and winter,…
CEDAR HILLS, Ore. — Local casually practicing Wiccans Lois and Timothy Webb told friends earlier this week that, while they are still technically Pagan, they…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local Vampire Weekend fan Archie Poole felt betrayed, confused, and saddened this week after hearing the music of his so-called “favorite band”…
PEORIA, Ill. — Self-described wolf enthusiast Roy Greene immortalized his obsession with the animal since childhood in a hastily drawn tattoo on the upper portion…
Hey you! Yeah you, the gentrifying piece of shit driving around in that planet-destroying truck. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You should get in that…
Forgotten College Radio Station Has Been Broadcasting Same Built to Spill Album Unnoticed Since 1999
Forgotten College Radio Station Has Been Broadcasting Same Built to Spill Album Unnoticed Since 1999
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A student-run radio station at the University of Memphis has been broadcasting Built to Spill’s 1999 debut “Keep It Like a Secret”…
Everyone knows it’s hard being a teen. Between school and acne, being a teenager in America is almost as hard as being a pre-teen in…
NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster at Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, is reportedly at a loss as to how to utilize…
NORCROSS, Ga. — Local man Craig Barnett, who quit smoking in 1995, discovered a box yesterday filled with Camel cigarettes’s now-obsolete Camel Cash, prompting him…
WASHINGTON —The American Association of Retired Persons announced yesterday that their bi-monthly magazine will now come with a copy of the once-popular “Punk-O-Rama” music compilation…