Unwashed Sex Toys Just Piling Up in the Sink
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local couple Jordan Meyers and Alexis Carter reportedly left their unique collection of used sex toys ignored…
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Dan Kozuh — Page 3
430 stories found
Sports Fans and Metalheads Find Common Ground Around Drinking in Parking Lots
CHICAGO — Local baseball fans and metalheads discovered that they shared an affinity to drink in parking lots, while one…
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Parents of Oscar Winner for Best Short Film Still Asking if He “Makes His Little Movies”
LOS ANGELES — Local parents Greg and Linda Dwyer reportedly continue to dismiss their son’s filmmaking career by referring to…
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CIA Installs New Frontman When Punk Band Becomes Too Political
WASHINGTON — Frontman Abha Alvarez of punk band Kissinger’s Prostate disappeared suddenly and was replaced with unknown musician Holden Everett…
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Makers of Scrub Daddy Release New “Scrub Sub” For Those Filthy, Dirty, Misbehaving Stains
PENNSAUKEN, N.J. — The makers of the Scrub Daddy recently introduced a new companion product, the “Scrub Sub,” which is…
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Oh You’re an Artist? Name Three Debt Collectors Chasing You for Unpaid Tuition at a College You Dropped Out of Because ‘Art Can’t Be Taught’
Ah, nothing delights me more than encountering someone with the audacity to declare themselves an artist. Oh, you really are…
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Halloween Party Struggles to Power Through All Nine Minutes of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local Halloween party attendees were seen struggling to make it through all nine and a half minutes…
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Dead Punk’s Will Mostly Just Giving Friends Back the Stuff He Stole From Them
BALTIMORE — Recently deceased punk Cary Lowery’s will primarily consisted of returning the stolen property he took from his closest…
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Second Guitarist Only Kept in Band Because He Knows How to Repair Tour Van
BRAINTREE, Mass. — A leak revealed that local punk band We Wear the Mask only keeps their second guitarist, Davey…
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Yes, I Used the Money From My Parents’ Death To Buy a House, but I’d Give It All Back for One More Chance To Scream at Them for Ruining My Life
In the quiet aftermath of loss, when the world seems to grind to a halt and grief hangs heavy in…
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