CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Local landlord Larry McNulty was compelled to raise rent to cover the ever-rising cost of never doing anything whatsoever, confirmed sources who…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced plans to cut much needed mental health funds for America’s clown posses, confirmed dope-ass sources. “They’ve been stealing our…
PHILADELPHIA — Frequent PornHub uploader Tyler Jones was clearly going through some stuff as evidenced by the title of his latest entry, confirmed masturbators nationwide.…
In an effort to pressure Universal Music Group into a settlement, Fred Durst announced that if he looses his $200 million dollar lawsuit, he would…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — City officials installed an anti-homeless bench this week that will catapult the sitter into the sky if they so much as dare…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A local couple’s hike was put on hold after a really neat stick was found on the trail, blown away sources confirmed.…
TOPEKA, Kan. – Local boring millennial Harley Shun admitted that he is horribly embarrassed by his drunken antics which made him enjoyable to be around…
PORTLAND, Ore. — American indie band The Decemberists announced that they finally located a time portal that will allow them to return to the 1830s,…
DETROIT — Paula Thorne and Jesse Riggins, the only two frequently on-time people in a friend group, are reportedly absolutely sick of hanging out with…
People always told me to dance like no one was watching. To sing like nobody’s listening. But it turns out those people were assholes because…
SARASOTA, Fla. – Local 71-year-old Steve Mills made multiple strong arguments against the use of QR code menus while trying to order the Sunshine State…
In the words of Steve Miller and his band, time keeps on slipping into the future. Do you want to feel old? Well, guess what?…
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — A group of audiophiles and cinephiles met this week to compete against each other for the title of worst -phile, confirmed sources…
So you’ve signed up for an adult league of a sport. Maybe you played it in high school, maybe you are a big fan of…
AMAZON RAINFOREST, Brazil – A local topaz hummingbird was humiliated when he nutted super fast while filming a rare mating ritual for an upcoming installment…